I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
