Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
