Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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