Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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