if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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