I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
