And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
