If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
