He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
