So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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