i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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