Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
