Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
