I just gift wrapped bread.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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