Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
