he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
