I just pynch a tree in the face
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
