Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
