I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
