So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it's like iHOP with fire
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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