Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Only a mothe r could love this liver
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
