so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
