Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
