what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
