Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Princesses don't give blow jobs
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
