alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
