Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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