PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
