Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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