I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
