and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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