yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
