She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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