I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
