i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
