u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
