i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
