I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
