I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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