New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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