Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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