I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
