I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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