we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
