I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
