Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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