I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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