I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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