apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
