I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
